Ok, so you’re participating in some bullshit fucking “white elephant” thing. It’s for your office. Man, you really don’t want to because you can’t stand Xmas, but you also want to impress that cute gal in HR, so you think…
Fuck it, I’m gonna white elephant the hell out of this bitch. I’m gonna be like the ’80s Mike Tyson of white elephants.
You have some options, you could:
- Be a hipster asshat and get something from Etsy
- Google “white elephant gift ideas” like everyone else
- Get some ModestMix tea and impress everyone, get a promotion, and possibly get laid by Hottie McAwesomepants
Now, you may be thinking…
Dangzilla, I don’t know if my office folks are hip enough to handle all of the awesomeness that is ModestMix. What if I offend them?
Sure, that’s a valid concern. But here’s the thing … if you work for a bunch of uptight a-holes, your life probably sucks, right? So if you do end up offending them, and you lose your job … hey, at least there’s something positive to come of it. You can get a BETTER job, with COOLER people, and move one step closer towards winning life.
On the flip side, if you’re lucky enough to work with some badass motherfuckers, they’ll realize how great you truly are, and you’ll climb that fucking corporate ladder. Nice.
So … which of our teas is the best choice as a gag gift?
My personal favorite for an office environment is:
Because you just know some of those fuckers will be hung over the next day.
But this is also a solid option:
And you can’t go wrong with:
So what are you waiting for?